an easy way to tell if your child is lying
This morning my daughter announced during breakfast: “if you lie you break the trust of others”. I found this rather profound for a 7 year old and the timing quite opportune. The day before the Wall Street Journal featured an article “Does Fibbing Help Preserve Marital Harmony” and I was thinking of discussing the subject.
On the surface lying is a pretty black and white issue. It’s dishonest, deceitful and shouldn’t be encouraged. Of course, what starts out black and white quickly morphs into varying shades of gray. In fact, it was the varying shades of gray that the above article discussed. Should a husband tell his wife what he really thinks of her outfit? If he’s smart, he’ll evaluate how much time they have before they need to leave, what other people’s reaction will be to the outfit against his wife’s perception of the outfit, along with ten other variables. As adults we understand the complexity of an issue, the implications of the truth and evaluate the consequences of a lie.
Children on the other hand don’t have the maturity and experience to sift through these issues. They best understand an issue when it’s framed in black and white terms. When we’re teaching our children right from wrong, we need to start from a simplistic starting point. Think back to when they were learning to walk. Most children master walking by rolling, crawling, standing, taking a first step and finally reaching the point of being able to walk. So why would we think that they can reason at the same level as an adult? All too often, we start thinking about all the exceptions in a situation and children pick up on our hesitation. They don’t understand the complexity of the issue and may even interpret the hesitation as it’s okay to lie.
Okay enough theoretical. Let’s talk specifics. The story of Pinnocchio is perfect for teaching children the importance of telling the truth. It offers a simple message for a child to understand. They discover all the bad things that happen when someone lies. It’s that simple. As they grow and encounter more complex situations then as parents we can discuss the subtleties of the topic.
